they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
