Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
