What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
drinking out of a sandbucket again
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
