Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
