Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
