no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
