She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
