did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
