he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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