I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
