I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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