She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
There r osticjed everywhere
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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