party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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