We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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