thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
