she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
