On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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