3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Randomize
