My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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