I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
