I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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