My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
