god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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