I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
