so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
