wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
