I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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