my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
well you can't waste a boner
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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