I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
