and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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