he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
