I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Randomize
