Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
