I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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