low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
