mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
