Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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