Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
