She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
