hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
