it was like his penis was on wheels.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
