just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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