why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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