I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Sober January is a disaster.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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