So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
be right there i have to get my cape
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
