You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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