If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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