no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
