i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
