Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
