It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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