Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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