I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
