why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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